Recovering from an affair can be one of the most challenging times in a marriage. This challenge may come with mixed feelings and uncertainty. But as spouses rebuild trust, take responsibility for their actions, resolve conflict and forgive, the process may deepen and strengthen love and affection. If you can’t keep thinking about what happened or have misgivings about your partner’s future honesty or faithfulness, https://99brides.com/orchid-romance-review/ couples counseling can help.
Take some time to read through all 21 questions and answers to discern how you might begin the healing process. Accept their decision to leave if they feel it’s the best thing to do. Some couples find a way to work through infidelity, but many couples don’t. Your partner may decide they need to end the relationship, and unfortunately, this is something you must try to accept. Some 30% of divorces in the US are the result of infidelity, along with countless more separations between non-married couples.
For true and authentic healing, this process has to be a two-way street. This takes different amounts of patience and grace from person to person and couple to couple, and that’s perfectly fine. If you truly want to know how to rebuild trust, you have to talk about how you’re feeling. If you’re upset about something your partner did that made you not want to trust them, tell them about it. Discuss it deeply so there’s a strong understanding of why the trust is gone. Sometimes people cheat because they’re feeling unappreciated and unloved. Maybe the relationship has broken down and they’re struggling to cope – they have one too many drinks and the betrayal happens.
What is more clear is that with communication, time, and plenty of effort, the relationship can survive. But it’s important to remember that the person who was betrayed and cheated on has to be the one to call the shots here. If they’re not on board with making it work, it’s time to give up. While it may take time, patience, and deep healing, having a healthy and trusting relationship after you were cheated on is entirely possible. Couples counseling can be a great resource when dealing with trust issues, particularly those involving infidelity. A counselor can offer an unbiased view of you relationship and help both partners work through underlying issues. Relationship counselors often recommend against providing specific details about a sexual encounter with someone else.
- Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, a registered yoga instructor, and an avid astrologer and tarot reader.
- Since it takes time to rebuild trust, they need to put in a lot of effort and be patient.
- Cheating can feel thrilling because the attention from a new love interest lights up the reward center in the brain.
- Regardless of your ties to your significant other, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue the relationship.
You can’t repair broken trust with just promises and statements of forgiveness. The underlying causes for the betrayal need to be identified, examined and worked on by both partners for the issues to stay dormant. If you do decide to try repairing things, be prepared for things to take some time.
Ways to Avoid Valentine’s Day Angst
You and your partner will likely argue as you try to move forward from your infidelity. This can be draining for you both, and you may both feel tempted to try to “win” the fight rather than use your disagreements as opportunities to discuss issues and grow together. It is important that you try to work through confrontation rather than fighting to win. Try not to bring up old arguments or unrelated subjects, as this will likely only upset your partner further. Equally as important, allow your partner the chance to communicate. Engage them in conversation, make an effort to not only listen but truly internalize and work to understand what they are saying.
Don’t just try and ignore what happened
You could look for a therapist or counselor who specializes in helping couples affected by infidelity. Alternatively, you could try a marriage counseling app, like Together. Although Together does not offer counseling in the traditional sense, its content has been designed by a psychologist to help couples work through a wide range of relationship issues at home. We said earlier that only the betrayed partner can decide if they want the relationship to be saved. Healing and reconciliation need to prioritize the offended party, whether that’s in love, life, or legal affairs. However, the unfaithful partner has to decide they want to work on rebuilding trust too.
The idea that trust is an action and not a belief goes both ways, though. It’s not that you can’t decide you trust your partner again because that’s something internal and personal. Couples that work on healing together can lower the emotional stakes without avoiding the core issue. Done right, it can rebuild your relationship stronger than before and bring you both closer again. Intimacy, vulnerability, and shared experiences are some of the best aspects of new relationships and lifelong marriages. Broken trust can shake those foundations and warp how we see ourselves.
How Can I Trust My Wife Again After Infidelity: 5 Steps
If you believe your partner can be trusted again, then trust will come as they continue to prove that. Saving a relationship after infidelity requires work from both partners. Transparency means not presenting things in a way that gets the reaction you want.
How you find out about an affair can compound the stress of dealing with it further. But if you want to save your relationship, it is possible, and you’re allowed to want that. If you’re the cheating partner, you can’t make the decision to fix the relationship. But if your partner is committed to finding a way forward, there are things you’ll need to do. Remember that the discomfort you feel is likely amplified for the person on the receiving end. The partner who is betrayed must remember to be kind to themselves, especially when they’re having a bad day and ruminating about their partner’s infidelity. For instance, you could be cleaning out your closet and see the shirt that you wore when you found out about the betrayal and suddenly go into a tailspin.
That’s why we offer affair and infidelity counseling. If they ask something awkward, don’t fall into the trap of being defensive.
